Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
