I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
