If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
