i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
smell my finger.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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