I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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