Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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