I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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