I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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