Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
