Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
