Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
