At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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