Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
