textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize