Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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