Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
