Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize