Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
