We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
