if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize