I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
