I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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