Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
