No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
