the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
