So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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