just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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