And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
