i don't like sucking hair
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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