So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
