There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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