I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
