How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
