I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
