and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
