One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
