margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
being pregnant is like rehab
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
