I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
