Little spoons don't ask big questions
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
