When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
