So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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