i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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