On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
