So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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