spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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