Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
