Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
