I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
