he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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