i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
