In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
