my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize