So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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