I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
