ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize