Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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