Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
