Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
