Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
