Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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