Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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