I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
