My nipple is on Facebook.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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