Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
