sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
