i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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