why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
