Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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