Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
