All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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