i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
