I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
