Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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