Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
