I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
