She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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