i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
