i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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