Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
