Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize