Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
