my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
