I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
