hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
