eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She announced her abortion via fbk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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