I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My bed smells like the plague
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
