filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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