And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
