hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize