I think I died a long time ago.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just google imaged poop.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Im part way to drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
