i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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