it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
