Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
