OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
