I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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