One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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