I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
