i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
