: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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