Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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