Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We are two peas in an std pod
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dick very happy bro
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
