I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
