the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
