shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
