I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize