uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
