Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
