"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
