I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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