Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
