Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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